Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
