Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
high people should be assigned attendants
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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