She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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