I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
