there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
