I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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