Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
i came on her dog
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you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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