I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Randomize
