Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Randomize