Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Randomize
