just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
