your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
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