When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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