Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Congratulations! We have a period
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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