My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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