I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
