My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
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