Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
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