i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
