his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
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