the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
