I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
