two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
