Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
i dont even know how to be here
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
