I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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