As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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