Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
i love accidental penises.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
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