Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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