Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
