Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
