WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
