I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
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