I don't usually arrange sex via text message
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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