Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
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She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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