That's intense
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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