I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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