So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I just googled if crying burns calories
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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