Where did you get a picture of my penis
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize