I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
