if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
it glows. i had to have it.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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