Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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