She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
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