New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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