he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Randomize
