come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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