Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
