I'm so fucking centered right now
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Floor bacon is actually really good
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
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