Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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