Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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