That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
