Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
