you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Randomize
