U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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