Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
