Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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