so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
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he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
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He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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