I just made out with a guy for $7.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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