Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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