I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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